Month: February 2015

Traveling with Kids – Is this really a vacation?

~ Kim Severn ~ 3 Comments

Four years ago the Husband and I took Rhys, almost two, and Theo, six, to Whistler, British Columbia for a short family vacation. Theo was in kindergarten and had battled respiratory infections for weeks leading up to our trip. Less than a week before we were scheduled to make the five hour drive north Rhys caught the crud and we had two kids diagnosed with walking pneumonia.

Our pediatrician assured us that after a couple days of antibiotics and steroids they would both be fine to travel and the cold, clean air of the mountain resort would be good for them. So we packed everything into our Subaru, double checked we had their medications along with plenty of kleenex and hit the road.

The Husband loves and I mean LOVES to ski. Swooshing down the mountain at breakneck speed is when he feels most free and alive. He was looking forward to a couple of days of world class skiing and I was looking forward to being away from work and playing in the snow with the kids. With a winter wonderland and a hotel with a pool there would be plenty to keep us busy while the Husband hit the slopes. Who couldn’t have fun with that combination right? Um, yeah, not so much.

The Husband had a great time skiing that vacation. I found myself stressed out, tired and resentful. It was hard trying to carry one kid while holding up the other as he battled his way through knee deep snow. At one point we had just returned to the hotel, snot running into the mouths of both the kids, only to have to head back outside when the fire alarm went off. I didn’t even have time to grab more Kleenex, so as we quickly trudged down the stairs to the lobby, both kids crying, I wiped their noses with the front of my sweatshirt.

Then there was the trip down to the pool, when just after Theo got in and started playing I had to haul him out because Rhys had just vomited all over me. As we stood waiting for the elevator Theo declared “I’m NOT getting in that elevator. She stinks!” I couldn’t blame him, she did reek of sour milk. But I also couldn’t leave a six year old in the hotel lobby to wait for the next elevator to arrive and hope he got off on the right floor.

As we drove back home from that “vacation” I was guilt ridden. I had a terrible time, was exhausted and grumpy. The Husband did all he could to help with the kids, but I resented his day and a half up on the slopes doing what he loved to do. By the time we arrived home, I’d decided I was a terrible mom and ungrateful person. (Yes, I tend to get a bit dramatic when stressed out and tired.)

A few days after we returned home, I read a blogpost about traveling with young kids. The author wrote that after a couple of trips with her oldest children, she had something like twenty kids (okay it was probably four), she decided to stop calling it a vacation. They went on family trips instead.

Her words resonated and gave me hope, dragging me out of my funk and self-loathing. Wasn’t vacation supposed to be fun, relaxing and care free? If I went on vacation and came back feeling exhausted, annoyed and resentful was I a vacation flunky? Who wants to be a flunky …. especially a vacation flunky!

What if we went on a trip. All a trip meant was that you spent at least a night away from home and returned alive. So, I figured if we all arrived home still breathing we’d succeeded. From Flunky to Success with the change of a word. From that day forward, when we decided to go somewhere overnight a family trip it was.

Speed forward four years and several family trips later. This past week we once again traveled to Whistler. This time with good friends who also have kids the same age as ours, sons 10 and daughters 6-ish. Our friends are amazing and super easy to travel with. They’re easy going, active and just plain fun to hang out with. When not outside enjoying all the activities Whistler has to offer, the boys were happy to hang out watching tv, playing on their electronics or swimming in the pool. The girls played with their stuffed animals, drew, cut and glued paper, and also swam in the pool.

While we were away, our family had our moments, like the one where Rhys lost it, screamed “I hate skiing!” at the top of her lungs and threw her mittens onto the ground. As skiers walked past on their way to the ski lifts, I once again felt like I had four years ago.

But for the first time, it also included moments like at the tube park when the boys took off together to enjoy themselves and the moms got to race our daughters down the mountain. Where at the bottom we were greeted with smiles and “That was AWESOME, Mom!” That made it feel like a vacation.

If you find yourself on a family trip, hang in there and I hope you can at least find the humor in it (and don’t worry, finding the humor may take days, weeks or even a couple years).

If you’re enjoying a family vacation, we can’t wait to join you. I’m looking forward to it and intend to savor each and every moment.

And to our friends who travelled with us to Whistler this year, thanks for joining us.

We had a blast!

Can't help but feel like champions when posing in front of the Olympic rings in Whistler Village, BC.
Can’t help but feel like champions when posing in front of the Olympic rings in Whistler Village.

Twenty Years Ago Today, on Valentines’ Day

~ Kim Severn ~ 1 Comment

The lines seem to be clearly drawn you either love Valentines’ Day or you hate it. There’s very little middle ground and few people on the fence. It’s an interesting time of year.
As a kid I loved making the big Valentines envelope that would soon hold the small cardboard cards from my friends. And the little boxes of candy hearts. Giggling with my friends when the one saying “Kiss Me” fell out of the box.
In high school there was the formal Key Heart dance, a time to dress up and go to a fancy restaurant. And if the holiday happened to fall on a school day, there was the mystery of who would receive a rose in class. Teen love was intense (an often short lived).
Twenty years ago, late in the evening my boyfriend knelt down on one knee and asked me to marry him. The boyfriend became the husband almost 19 years ago.
Valentines’s Day is still full of love, but how we celebrate it is different. We save the gifts for our two kids and the candles on the dinner table are about bringing our family closer together. For the husband and I, we check in with each other, reconfirm our commitment and remember why we decided to dive into life together.
Happy Valentines’ Day to my kiddos, we hope you are filled with love and joy. And to the husband, Happy Valentines’ Day to you. Thanks for celebrating in our laid back and casual way, that’s who we are … And I love that.

Lessons for Work and Motherhood

~ Kim Severn ~ 2 Comments

Are you following the editorials Sheryl Sandberg is writing in the New York Times? If not, you should.

In her most recent editorial, Madam C.E.O., Get Me a Coffee Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant address women doing what they call the “Office Housework” and the impacts to individual careers and team effectiveness.

Overall what strikes me is Sandberg and Grant don’t place the blame on any one group and don’t excuse anyone’s choices that lead to the phenomenon they discuss. Instead they make the case for change, talk about the areas women as individuals can address and finish with suggestions on how we can work together to move toward improved individual and team performance.

Following are the points that struck a chord for me:

By putting self-concern on par with concern for others, women may feel less altruistic, but they’re able to gain more influence and sustain more energy. Ultimately, they can actually give more. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as I work to balance everything (and everyone) competing for my time and attention. Life is too complex for my current, simplistic strategy of pushing harder until the next break comes. It’s time for a change.

Just as we still need to rebalance housework and child care at home, we also need to equalize and value office housework. This means first acknowledging the imbalance and then correcting it. I need to pay attention and stop automatically jumping up to help. There are almost always plenty of people to help out. I need to be discerning and think critically about who is the best person to fill a need.

The person taking diligent notes in the meeting almost never makes the killer point. I need to remember there are times its important I’m available to “make the killer point.”

Research shows that teams with greater helping behavior attain greater profits, sales, quality, effectiveness, revenue and customer satisfaction. As I mentioned in a post a couple weeks ago, I have a home team and a work team. When both are running smoothly it feels great and produces energy. That’s why I’m going to spend energy on making the changes in my approach so I can lead toward the change I want to experience for myself and for the people around me.

Championship Week

~ Kim Severn ~ 1 Comment

The excitement was in the air everywhere we went this week. The Seahawk blue and green, the number 12 on cars, planes, and trains. It was on buildings, men, women, children, dogs and even a pony or two. Seahawks spirit was everywhere and it was awesome. The community spirit was infectious.

Our Seattle Seahawks are an easy team to love. Its easy to love a team when they are winning … and our team has won a lot in the last few years. But our Seahawks are easy to love because of more than just their record. They are leaders on and off the field.

When they were down in the fourth quarter of the NFC Championship game they didn’t give up, dug deep and delivered an amazing win. The Seahawks play for each other and they play for their fans, the Twelves. Seahawk players and coaches volunteer in our community during the season and wherever they call home in the off-season. Their hard work and dedication illustrate their love of the game and dedication to their profession.

I wear my Seahawks gear with pride and I have no reservations about having my kids represent the team either.

Thanks for an amazing season Seattle Seahawks. Thanks for teaching your fans, young and old, the pay-off for dedication, preparation and old fashioned hard work.