working moms

One Big Goal – One Step Closer to Completion

~ Kim Severn ~ 1 Comment

Last year, as I sat on the beach in Maui building a sand castle with my then five year old daughter, my husband and nine year old son snorkeling nearby, I decided to go after a goal I’d set three decades earlier.

Thirty years before, after learning S.E. Hinton wrote The Outsiders while still in high school, I decided I wanted to write a book. At the time I figured I had five or six years to pen my first novel and get it published. (I was ten and figured I could have it finished by the time I was 15 or 16.)

I had a three month summer vacation to fill, an active imagination, and loved the way writing made me feel. I also yearned for the attention a top selling novel would bring. So I grabbed a handful of notebook paper and a pencil, sat down at my small wooden desk, and began writing the next great young adult novel. I wrote five or six pages before I ran out of storyline, lost interest, and was distracted by riding my bike around the neighborhood with my friends.

Over the years I’ve kept journals, continuing to enjoy the relaxation and clarity writing brought. The desire to get my writing published never went away. Although my desire for fame did.

I want to achieve three things by publishing my memoir, The Making of a Mom:
1. Show my kids that with dedication and effort a goal can be achieved (even if it takes a long time).
2. Help someone on an adoption journey know they aren’t alone.
3. Hold a copy of my book in my hands as proof I can do whatever I set my mind to.

After a year of hard work, perseverance, and a few tears, the first draft is done. I wrote 159,876 words filling 473 pages. As a result, I gained both a better understanding of my journey and a greater appreciation for the life I’ve built. I also have more desire than ever to see this goal through to the end.

As I begin to refine the thousands of words and further shape the story, nobody is more surprised than I am that I’ve been able to see my goal through to this point. So hopefully I’ll keep my eye on the prize, maintain momentum, and by this time next year, be a published author.

Business Trip is Mom Time

~ Kim Severn ~ Leave a comment
Hello NYC from the 86th Floor of the Empire State Building.
Hello NYC from the Empire State Building.

This week I had the opportunity to attend the launch of Windows 10 in New York City. When I was invited to go I hesitated knowing it meant a couple nights away from my family, and that work would pile up while I was away.

But it was a once in a lifetime experience and I was grateful for the opportunity to participate. I’ve only been to NYC once before, and only for a day and a half. This trip, although also short, would give me two windows of opportunity to explore the city. The trip also gave m some much needed me time. For a couple days I could do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it. With a 6 and 10 year old , a husband, and a full-time job chances to do whatever I want don’t come around every day.

So I said yes to the opportunity and started planning my trip. Yep, I’m a planner. In order to make the most of the few free hours I had I wanted to leave as little to chance as possible. I made my list of things to do and see. My top must dos were: get on The Today Show and “get to the top of something” to see views of the city.

After checking in to the hotel, I had a little time to freshen up before joining colleagues for dinner. We ate at Craft Bar enjoying great food, fun conversation, and a lot of laughs.

After a short night sleep, awoken several times by the noises of the city that never sleeps, I rolled out of bed at 5 a.m. (2 in the morning back home) and headed out to put a few check marks on my newly created bucket list.

I explored the city on foot and marveled at it from the Empire State Building.NYC

WP_20150729_20_19_32_ProIn the late afternoon it was time for work. I attended two celebrations to thank the people who helped us make our product great. I did my best to soak it all in and enjoy the energy and excitement that filled the room.

 

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During the party I took a few minutes to enjoy the sunset over the Hudson River. Yet again, the city didn’t disappoint.

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Tired at the end of a nearly perfect day, I enjoyed more views of the city from the top of James Hotel.

 

 

I woke up the next morning with a few hours left to explore the city before heading to the airport. At the suggestion of the concierge I headed to explore the High Line. I fell in love with the beautiful garden oasis in the heart of the city. I enjoyed the art, architecture, and views the elevated park provided.

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My goal for the trip was to soak in the experience and make the most my limited time in the city. Mission accomplished.

WP_20150730_10_29_06_ProWonder where life will take me next …

Remembering My Own Advice

~ Kim Severn ~ Leave a comment

I enjoyed a busy week away from work. A staycation filled with trips to the pool to watch our kids’ in swim lessons, followed by an hour splashing around during open swim. Rhys and I had a Mommy-Daughter date and went to get pedicures while Theo enjoyed golfing with the Husband. On Friday we went to the movies as a family. The days sped by and I can’t believe I head back to work tomorrow.

The kids made great progress through the week with their swimming. Theo’s challenge was getting comfortable with his face in the water and not holding his nose when he jumps into the pool. Rhys worked on trusting herself and staying relaxed in the water.

The pep talks I gave before each lesson included “You can do this!” and “Show me your power.” and “You are brave and strong. Show me what you’ve got!”

Friday was the last day of the first session of swim lessons. Over the two weeks both kids’ confidence grew, they learned a lot, and made significant progress. Rhys can successfully back float and Theo’s breath stroke now includes a little time with his face in the water between strokes.

Most important of all, they both showed me how brave they were as the jumped off the blocks into the pool on the final day. And on a couple jumps neither of them held their nose, trusting themselves.

When I head back to work tomorrow, I need to remember to take my own advice. It’s going to be a busy couple of months as we work to deliver a few new programs. I am brave, I am strong, and I can do it!

P.S. Thanks for reminding me kiddos and I’ll miss spending time with you at the pool!

Lessons for Work and Motherhood

~ Kim Severn ~ 2 Comments

Are you following the editorials Sheryl Sandberg is writing in the New York Times? If not, you should.

In her most recent editorial, Madam C.E.O., Get Me a Coffee Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant address women doing what they call the “Office Housework” and the impacts to individual careers and team effectiveness.

Overall what strikes me is Sandberg and Grant don’t place the blame on any one group and don’t excuse anyone’s choices that lead to the phenomenon they discuss. Instead they make the case for change, talk about the areas women as individuals can address and finish with suggestions on how we can work together to move toward improved individual and team performance.

Following are the points that struck a chord for me:

By putting self-concern on par with concern for others, women may feel less altruistic, but they’re able to gain more influence and sustain more energy. Ultimately, they can actually give more. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as I work to balance everything (and everyone) competing for my time and attention. Life is too complex for my current, simplistic strategy of pushing harder until the next break comes. It’s time for a change.

Just as we still need to rebalance housework and child care at home, we also need to equalize and value office housework. This means first acknowledging the imbalance and then correcting it. I need to pay attention and stop automatically jumping up to help. There are almost always plenty of people to help out. I need to be discerning and think critically about who is the best person to fill a need.

The person taking diligent notes in the meeting almost never makes the killer point. I need to remember there are times its important I’m available to “make the killer point.”

Research shows that teams with greater helping behavior attain greater profits, sales, quality, effectiveness, revenue and customer satisfaction. As I mentioned in a post a couple weeks ago, I have a home team and a work team. When both are running smoothly it feels great and produces energy. That’s why I’m going to spend energy on making the changes in my approach so I can lead toward the change I want to experience for myself and for the people around me.

You Just Can’t Do It All By Yourself

~ Kim Severn ~ Leave a comment

Another crazy week. My team was responsible for a big conference this week, something we hadn’t done before. It was a huge undertaking and the stakes were pretty high. So glad to report we did it!

I was part of another team this week that also helped make it happen. That was my “home team.” The husband was on full-time kid duty and we asked our kids to be extra patient and kind. My home team came through too. I couldn’t have done it without them.

On Wednesday I managed to get home about 10 minutes before bedtime. Theo greeted me with a cheerful “Hey Mom!” and Rhys started talking a mile a minute. I didn’t know it was humanly possible for someone’s lips to move so quickly. Maybe we have an auctioneer in the making.

Rhys was excited to share the game she made for us, what the rules were and she was ready to play. I hadn’t eaten in hours, my feet hurt and my head was still full from the previous 14 hours of work. Feel the love, I reminded myself, You’re so lucky to be missed and wanted. I was mentally summoning 30 more minutes of energy to make the most of the time I had with my kiddos.

While the husband heated up some left overs for me to quickly eat before helping with the bedtime routine, I sat down and played the game with Rhys. She made my day.

It was a tiring and successful week. It was also a great reminder that you just can’t do it all by yourself.

Rhys' game creation.
Rhys’ game creation.

New Use for a Plunger & Protecting the Innocent

~ Kim Severn ~ Leave a comment

What a crazy week! As if returning to school and work after a two week break wasn’t enough, my team is responsible for delivering a major project on January 12th. To bring it in on time, meant all hands on deck and even then a few of us put in fifteen hour days.

On Thursday night I called home about 7:30. I wanted to let my family know I was on the way home, would miss the bedtime routine but would come in to give hugs and kisses. My husband let me know our daughter had some big news.

“I lost my wiggly tooth!” I heard her yell over the phone.

“Woo Hoo!” I hollered back.

Arriving home an hour later, I went straight to my daughter’s room to give her hugs as promised. She bolted to a seated position as I opened the door and exclaimed “Dad pulled my tooth out with the plunger! Look at my gap!”

“He did what?” I asked laughing and shaking my head as I walked over to her bed.

“He pulled my super wiggly tooth out with the plunger! Can you see the gap?” She opened her mouth wider and pointed to the spot where here two bottom teeth used to be.

“Do you mean the pliers sweetie?” I asked still laughing.

“Oh yeah, pliers. Cause my tooth was too slippery,” she nodded her head and smiled up at me with her eyes wide.

We chatted for another few minutes before I gave her the promised hugs and kisses, tucked her back into bed and wished her sweet dreams. I was still laughing quietly to myself as I shut her bedroom door.

My husband can be pretty creative when he has to improvise, but I am confident a plunger isn’t in his bag of tricks for extracting loose teeth.

Life moves a mile a minute and sometimes even faster. It’s a great relief to stop every once and awhile to enjoy the moment.

Oh, and I’ll never look at a plunger the same way again.

A quick note about protecting the innocent. During our family hike today we talked about new names for everyone. After several vetoes, we settled on Theo for my 10 year old son and Rhys for my 5 year old daughter. The husband, he’s still deciding. So for now, he’ll simply remain known as “the husband.”

Is Becoming Supermom Really the Only Answer?

~ Kim Severn ~ Leave a comment

Interesting article in today’s New York Times about The Japanese Prime Minister’s efforts to support women, moms in particular, in growing their careers.
I’m excited to see support for women in achieving their career goals and an acknowledgement that there’s a meaningful difference in the realities men and women face in the workplace.
I’m also glad to see continued focus on this issue and the media’s willingness to keep the conversation going about the challenges women face when trying to achieve their personal and professional goals.
What I’m struggling with in this article is what the title implies. Career moms, in order to realize their goals, must become super-human. We must become Supermom, in order to achieve parity with our male counterparts.
What about men becoming Superdads? What about support for men to take on an equal share of childcare and other domestic responsibilities?
Let’s continue the conversation, lovingly raise our kids and look for ways to support each other without expecting anyone to be super-human on an every day basis.
What do you think? Jump in and join the conversation.