So there’s part of our recent trip to Canada I’ve thought a lot about since returning home. I’ve shared the story with family, friends and coworkers. The more I think about it the more it frustrates and angers me.

Unbeknownst to me the story has its roots in events that took place a year ago when my identity was stolen. Thieves stole it, along with several hundred others, from a database and used them to file fraudulent federal tax returns. After realizing I was a victim, I contacted all proper authorities at the instruction of the IRS. After that, I pretty much forgot about the situation. There wasn’t anything more I could do about it and as the police officer who took my report told me, it was unlikely the criminals would ever be caught.

Well, come to find out, there was a little more I needed to know. Turned out, I needed a password to verify my identity for the border agent. The thing is, nobody bothered to tell me that because of the identity theft complaint a password was created and associated with my passport. So imagine my surprise when the feisty border agent rudely responded “I don’t know who you are!” when I asked why we were being told to go to secondary screening. When I tried to explain why I was asking, he responded with “Do I need to pull you from the vehicle?!”

I’ll spare you the remaining details and just say the agent’s aggressive tone and body language, he put his hand on his side arm and lunged toward me while I sat in the driver’s seat of my vehicle, were completely unnecessary. I had two tired and crabby kids in the backseat who were wondering why it was taking so long. On top of that I was managing my own confusion and surprise at the unexpected turn of events. I was simply trying to understand what was going on, what the problem was and to calm my kid’s growing impatience.

Here’s my bottom-line:
1) We’ve taught our kids if they are ever lost, see something suspicious or dangerous to tell a trusted adult. A trusted adult includes a person in uniform. Hard for my kids to trust a person in uniform if they see someone treating their mother the way the agent treated me.
2) It was hard to explain to our 10 year old why he should respect the person in uniform who just treated his mom so disrespectfully. My son saw a bully, not a man of authority.
3) I feel lucky to be white. I don’t want to live in a world where I’m lucky because of my skin color because that means someone is unlucky because of theirs. I find myself thinking about how things might have been different if I was a person of color. I hate that the color of a person’s skin makes a difference, but I know it does.

I continue to work hard for what I have. I paid my way through college and spent time and energy developing my career in more than one male dominated field. I make daily trade-offs to find balance between work and family.

More now than ever, I realize my road to success, while at times bumpy, has always been a paved road. And those bumps, well, they were more like small potholes. There are plenty of people for whom that isn’t the case and I hope I never forget that.

The lines seem to be clearly drawn you either love Valentines’ Day or you hate it. There’s very little middle ground and few people on the fence. It’s an interesting time of year.
As a kid I loved making the big Valentines envelope that would soon hold the small cardboard cards from my friends. And the little boxes of candy hearts. Giggling with my friends when the one saying “Kiss Me” fell out of the box.
In high school there was the formal Key Heart dance, a time to dress up and go to a fancy restaurant. And if the holiday happened to fall on a school day, there was the mystery of who would receive a rose in class. Teen love was intense (an often short lived).
Twenty years ago, late in the evening my boyfriend knelt down on one knee and asked me to marry him. The boyfriend became the husband almost 19 years ago.
Valentines’s Day is still full of love, but how we celebrate it is different. We save the gifts for our two kids and the candles on the dinner table are about bringing our family closer together. For the husband and I, we check in with each other, reconfirm our commitment and remember why we decided to dive into life together.
Happy Valentines’ Day to my kiddos, we hope you are filled with love and joy. And to the husband, Happy Valentines’ Day to you. Thanks for celebrating in our laid back and casual way, that’s who we are … And I love that.

After a welcome two week break tomorrow brings a return to normally scheduled programming. Kids will be back to school, homework and Tae Kwon Do. I’ll be back to work, which is sure to keep me on my toes as we prepare for the delivery of a big project on January 12th.

Our family enjoyed a great two weeks together that included a couple of special outings for a each of the kids, a few family hikes and lots of playing with new Christmas toys and gadgets. My daughter and I even found time for a couple craft projects we hadn’t tried before. Both projects turned out to be fun and frustration free.

As I get ready to prepare dinner, I’m already hoping both bedtime tonight and wake-up tomorrow isn’t too rough. My fingers are crossed that everything will go smoothly but I’m also realistic. It won’t be easy for any of us to go to bed early and I know that when my alarm goes off at 5:00 tomorrow morning I’ll likely groan more than once.

All good things must come to an end and this holiday break was one of our best.