Um Mom … It Wasn’t All Bad

~ Kim Severn ~ 1 Comment

It’s been a long week. Kids were busy, work was busy, and I was short on sleep. The short on sleep part was my own fault as the husband and I stayed up late every night binge watching Hawaii 5-0 on Netflix. As our six year old would say “Not the best choice, right?” while tilting her head to the side as her eyes widen and her mouth curls into a crooked little smile. She shakes her head until I agree with her.

And to make it just a little more challenging to get through the last workday of the week, I was awoken by the shuffle of feet in the wee hours of the morning.

I opened my eyes and waited for them to adjust to the darkness as I searched for our early morning visitor. I could tell by the sound of the footsteps it was our daughter.

“What’s up baby-cakes?” I asked as I pulled myself up onto my elbows. I tapped the mattress next to me as she rounded the corner of the bed, her blanket swung over one shoulder.

“I had a bad dream,” she whispered hoarsely as her voice threatened to crack.

“Oh man, that stinks,” I said as I cuddled her in next to me and instantly felt her tense shoulders begin to relax. “Wanna tell me about it?”

“We were making pancakes for breakfast, and we ate them. And then a dinosaur came, and the pancake griddle caught on fire, and our house burnt down.” She nuzzled her warm cheek into the crook of my neck.

I tried not to laugh at the random nature of the dream, while at the same time feeling oddly proud that my six year old could come up with the word griddle in the middle of the night.

“Whoa, that sounds awful,” I said hoping that acknowledging her fear would help it quickly dissipate and we could get back to sleep.

“Well mom, it wasn’t all bad,” she said as if I was the one that only moments before had been near tears. “The pancakes tasted great!” I heard the smile in her voice.

“Well, I stand corrected,” I said letting out the laugh I’d held back moments before. “I’m glad it wasn’t all bad.” I kissed her head and pulled the comforter up around her shoulders. “Should we try to go to sleep?”

Almost before I finished the question I heard her breathing slow and within a minute she was asleep.

Ever since bringing our kids home from the hospital we’ve tried hard not to let them sleep with us. We didn’t want to start a habit we’d have to break and frankly, I never slept well with my kids in the room. Even now, I can never fully relax, always on alert for a change in their breathing that might signal a problem.

I knew I wouldn’t sleep well if she stayed in the bed next to me, but my eyes had adjusted to the dark and I could see her sweet sleeping face on the pillow next to me. I had the rare opportunity to snuggle her close for a couple of hours without her wriggling away.

So while I knew I would wake up extra tired, and likely a little sore, it wasn’t all bad. I had the opportunity to watch my daughter sleep and to hold her close.

Our kids are growing up so fast, I don’t know how many more chances like that I’ll get.

Oh s#@t! – A Six Year Old’s Attempt at Verbal Shock and Awe

~ Kim Severn ~ 1 Comment

“Oh crap!” our daughter declared as she walked through the front door after school and dropped her backpack next to the dining room table. “I forgot my lunchbox at school. Harrumph!”

“Well hello to you kiddo,” I said looking up and trying not to laugh. It was so hard to keep a straight face; her tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language were just the perfect balance of drama and genuine feeling.

“Oh kah-rapppppp,” she said as her eyes widened before she slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand. “I guess I’m just gonna need to bring my lunch in a paper bag tomorrow. Dammit.”

The dammit came out in a barely audible whisper as she tried to steal a look in my direction. I saw the gears turning in her head as she hoped for a reaction.

“Whoa there sister,” I said raising my voice slightly as our eyes met. “You know better than to talk like that.” I paused to take a breath, barely able to hold back my laughter that suddenly stemmed more from shock than humor. “How about, darn I forgot my lunchbox? or Oh man, I forgot my lunch box.”

Just as I finished providing the alternative language, my husband entered the house.

“You are so lucky young lady that your mother didn’t hear what you just said. If she heard you she would be very upset. That language is NOT appropriate.” He stood directly in front of her, brows knitted together, his hands on his hips.

I looked at my husband in shock and confusion. His reaction seemed like an eight on the 10 point parenting scale. She only said crap and dammit … and I almost laughed … and how in the heck did you hear her, I thought.

“What’s up?” I asked totally bewildered and feeling guilty for finding such humor in the last 30 seconds. “What’d I miss?”

“I dunno,” our daughter said as she shrugged and walked out of the room the model of six year old innocence.

“I was grabbing something from the back of the car as she walked in the house. Didn’t you hear what she said?”

“Um, no,” I said raising my eyebrows at him curious as to what I missed.

“Her hand slipped on the doorknob and when it swung toward her she said “friggin’ door!”

“Ooooh, I seeee….” I let my voice trail off. That was something all together different. Although still a tiny bit funny. I tried hard not to smile, even a little bit.

In truth, if anyone else heard the crap, jerk, dammit, and friggin’ that we’d heard lately I would be embarrassed at the evidence of my obvious mothering failures. Although, admittedly the feelings of failure would be tempered by the knowledge that this was just another example of our daughter testing the boundaries and trying to get a reaction. How do you know the limits if you never bump up against them, right?

We’d been through a similar shock and awe campaign five years ago with our son. He too tested the limits of language, mostly in front of us, but from time to time when friends or family were around. We all survived and at almost 11 he isn’t foul mouthed, well, not that often anyway.

So bring it on Sister. Show me what you got. Test my self control. I’ll correct you, give you alternatives, and wait to laugh until you leave the room.

Basking in the Glow of a Parenting Success

~ Kim Severn ~ 1 Comment

This weekend was our annual trip to the State Fair. Every year it gets easier – no more nap time to plan around, diaper bag to carry, or stroller to maneuver through the crowds.

Hoping to avoid hearing too many questions about when they could go on the rides, we prepped the kids before we left the house. The plan was to see some animals, visit the petting zoo, watch the carvers and blacksmith before going on any rides. Oh the rides … this could be our undoing. Our son, at almost 11, is just shy of five feet tall and 110 pounds. He wouldn’t have to worry about height limits anymore. For our six and a half year old, who wants to do everything her brother does, it might be a different story.

I wondered how many times we might hear “That’s not fair!” or “I am too big enough to go on that ride!” or “That guy’s just a big jerk!” (When she’s feeling particularly aggrieved lately jerk is her favorite word.) I pictured her furrowed brows, eyes narrowing and lips in a deep frown.

State FairFirst stop was the cattle barn. Our daughter really wanted to milk the fiberglass dairy cow like last year. We were off to a good start as our son took the lead and navigated his sister in the right direction. My husband and I walked a few feet behind, “You see that,” I said looking over at him and smiling, “they do love each other!” I was going to enjoy the peace and togetherness while it lasted.

We saw cattle, exotic birds, sheep, rabbits, horses and even a zebra. The kids were awesome so it was time to head to the rides.

Kids heading toward our next activity at the Fair.
Kids heading toward our next activity at the Fair.

When their dad left to buy ride tickets they began to strategize. I sat quietly and listened. They worked together to decide what ride they’d go on first, took turns choosing the next ride, and even compromised a time or two. And more than once, my son grabbed his sister’s hand and led her through the crowd. They got along beautifully and both had a great time.

Maybe our family has entered a new phase, or maybe we just had a great day at the Fair. Either way, I’ll take it. I’ll sit back and bask in the glow of our parenting success.

One Big Goal – One Step Closer to Completion

~ Kim Severn ~ 1 Comment

Last year, as I sat on the beach in Maui building a sand castle with my then five year old daughter, my husband and nine year old son snorkeling nearby, I decided to go after a goal I’d set three decades earlier.

Thirty years before, after learning S.E. Hinton wrote The Outsiders while still in high school, I decided I wanted to write a book. At the time I figured I had five or six years to pen my first novel and get it published. (I was ten and figured I could have it finished by the time I was 15 or 16.)

I had a three month summer vacation to fill, an active imagination, and loved the way writing made me feel. I also yearned for the attention a top selling novel would bring. So I grabbed a handful of notebook paper and a pencil, sat down at my small wooden desk, and began writing the next great young adult novel. I wrote five or six pages before I ran out of storyline, lost interest, and was distracted by riding my bike around the neighborhood with my friends.

Over the years I’ve kept journals, continuing to enjoy the relaxation and clarity writing brought. The desire to get my writing published never went away. Although my desire for fame did.

I want to achieve three things by publishing my memoir, The Making of a Mom:
1. Show my kids that with dedication and effort a goal can be achieved (even if it takes a long time).
2. Help someone on an adoption journey know they aren’t alone.
3. Hold a copy of my book in my hands as proof I can do whatever I set my mind to.

After a year of hard work, perseverance, and a few tears, the first draft is done. I wrote 159,876 words filling 473 pages. As a result, I gained both a better understanding of my journey and a greater appreciation for the life I’ve built. I also have more desire than ever to see this goal through to the end.

As I begin to refine the thousands of words and further shape the story, nobody is more surprised than I am that I’ve been able to see my goal through to this point. So hopefully I’ll keep my eye on the prize, maintain momentum, and by this time next year, be a published author.

Business Trip is Mom Time

~ Kim Severn ~ Leave a comment
Hello NYC from the 86th Floor of the Empire State Building.
Hello NYC from the Empire State Building.

This week I had the opportunity to attend the launch of Windows 10 in New York City. When I was invited to go I hesitated knowing it meant a couple nights away from my family, and that work would pile up while I was away.

But it was a once in a lifetime experience and I was grateful for the opportunity to participate. I’ve only been to NYC once before, and only for a day and a half. This trip, although also short, would give me two windows of opportunity to explore the city. The trip also gave m some much needed me time. For a couple days I could do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it. With a 6 and 10 year old , a husband, and a full-time job chances to do whatever I want don’t come around every day.

So I said yes to the opportunity and started planning my trip. Yep, I’m a planner. In order to make the most of the few free hours I had I wanted to leave as little to chance as possible. I made my list of things to do and see. My top must dos were: get on The Today Show and “get to the top of something” to see views of the city.

After checking in to the hotel, I had a little time to freshen up before joining colleagues for dinner. We ate at Craft Bar enjoying great food, fun conversation, and a lot of laughs.

After a short night sleep, awoken several times by the noises of the city that never sleeps, I rolled out of bed at 5 a.m. (2 in the morning back home) and headed out to put a few check marks on my newly created bucket list.

I explored the city on foot and marveled at it from the Empire State Building.NYC

WP_20150729_20_19_32_ProIn the late afternoon it was time for work. I attended two celebrations to thank the people who helped us make our product great. I did my best to soak it all in and enjoy the energy and excitement that filled the room.

 

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During the party I took a few minutes to enjoy the sunset over the Hudson River. Yet again, the city didn’t disappoint.

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Tired at the end of a nearly perfect day, I enjoyed more views of the city from the top of James Hotel.

 

 

I woke up the next morning with a few hours left to explore the city before heading to the airport. At the suggestion of the concierge I headed to explore the High Line. I fell in love with the beautiful garden oasis in the heart of the city. I enjoyed the art, architecture, and views the elevated park provided.

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My goal for the trip was to soak in the experience and make the most my limited time in the city. Mission accomplished.

WP_20150730_10_29_06_ProWonder where life will take me next …

Remembering My Own Advice

~ Kim Severn ~ Leave a comment

I enjoyed a busy week away from work. A staycation filled with trips to the pool to watch our kids’ in swim lessons, followed by an hour splashing around during open swim. Rhys and I had a Mommy-Daughter date and went to get pedicures while Theo enjoyed golfing with the Husband. On Friday we went to the movies as a family. The days sped by and I can’t believe I head back to work tomorrow.

The kids made great progress through the week with their swimming. Theo’s challenge was getting comfortable with his face in the water and not holding his nose when he jumps into the pool. Rhys worked on trusting herself and staying relaxed in the water.

The pep talks I gave before each lesson included “You can do this!” and “Show me your power.” and “You are brave and strong. Show me what you’ve got!”

Friday was the last day of the first session of swim lessons. Over the two weeks both kids’ confidence grew, they learned a lot, and made significant progress. Rhys can successfully back float and Theo’s breath stroke now includes a little time with his face in the water between strokes.

Most important of all, they both showed me how brave they were as the jumped off the blocks into the pool on the final day. And on a couple jumps neither of them held their nose, trusting themselves.

When I head back to work tomorrow, I need to remember to take my own advice. It’s going to be a busy couple of months as we work to deliver a few new programs. I am brave, I am strong, and I can do it!

P.S. Thanks for reminding me kiddos and I’ll miss spending time with you at the pool!

Maximizing Time

~ Kim Severn ~ Leave a comment

It’s been a busy couple months. I think I’m behind on everything. I’m sure I’m not the only working mom who feels that way.

On Saturday morning my husband had plans to play a round of disk golf with a couple of high school friends, so it would be just me and the kids.

“Don’t worry, they’ve been sleeping in.” He assured me that during their first week of summer vacation he’d been waking Rhys and Theo up between 8:30 and 9.

“Awesome, I’m looking forward to sleeping in,” I said. We’ve finally made it, I thought. We’ve hit a new phase in our parenting when our kids are no longer up at the crack of dawn. It only took a decade.

The husband’s alarm went off at six and I wake with a jolt thinking I’m already late for work. Nudging his shoulder to turn off the alarm, he rolls over and says “Thanks babe,” and kisses me on the cheek.

My heart finally stops racing and I realize its Saturday and I can sleep in. “Have a great time babe,” I say with a smile and turn back over to fall asleep.

“Hi Mom,” Theo says from my husband’s side of the bed as he slips in next to me and puts his sweet face close to mine.

“Morning Mommy,” Rhys adds as she slips in next to me on the other side of the bed and cuddles in close.

“Hi guys, what’s up?” I stretch groggily and attempt to look at the clock. It doesn’t seem like I’ve been asleep very long.

“We are!” they both say with a giggle.

“Let’s go down stairs,” Rhys says.

“Yeah,” agrees Theo.

I stretch again and hear the garage door opening. Ugh! So much for sleeping in. It’s not even seven.

“Alright you crazy monkeys, let’s go down stairs,” I say smiling.

The sun is shining, my kids are happy, its Saturday. Might as well make the most of the day.

I post on Facebook about my early birds and the fact they only wake up early for me. A friend comments that its because they missed me.

They’re maximizing their time with me. I’ll take that.

Starting With the End In Mind

~ Kim Severn ~ 1 Comment

After I arrived home late last night I tiptoed into each of my kiddo’s rooms and covered their cheeks with kisses. They both looked so peaceful and sweet as they slept. There was a part of me that wanted to wake them up to give them each a big hug.
I woke up this morning in my own bed for the first time in four nights. The windows were open, the chirping of birds travelled in on the cool morning breeze, sunshine filled the room. It was perfect.

Once again I tiptoed into my daughter’s room to wake her up. Before I could get to her bed she sat up and yelled “Mommy!”

I felt like a rock star. I sat down beside her and she gave me a tight hug and patted my back. I missed my family and the way they fill my heart with love.

I spent the last four days in Chicago attending a conference. Everyday was filled, morning to night. It was exhausting, educational and fun.

  
While I missed my family and wondered how they were doing, the independence felt great too. Knowing I was only responsible for myself was a freedom I don’t often get to experience.

This week it all worked. I was a successful business woman and knew I was a good mom too. I’m going to cherish the feeling because I know it won’t last as we juggle the demands of our busy routine.

Thank you Chicago and more importantly, thanks to my amazing family. You three are the best!

Remembering the Night You Were Born

~ Kim Severn ~ 3 Comments

The chapter I’m writing this week is about the night my daughter was born. It was the first time I ever stayed awake more than 24 hours. It was scary, joyous and magical all at the same time.

As I wrote about that night, that spilled into morning, my heart began to race and my palms began to sweat. I was transported back to the darkened delivery room, standing next to my daughter’s birth mother, doing my best to give her the support she needed.

A confusing mix of emotions rolled over me and then receded like ocean waves.

I was excited. I couldn’t wait to meet our daughter, hold her in my arms and wonder at the miracle of her.

I was sad. My heart was breaking for her birth mother who had nurtured her for nine months and was also waiting to meet her.

I was scared. Would the delivery go well? What would the days ahead hold for us? Would her birth parents change their minds?

I was filled with love. A new life was entering the world. There were so many people waiting to meet her, so many waiting to announce her birth.

About eight in the morning my daughter finally arrived. Her birth parents and birthmom’s parents there to greet her. My dad joined my husband and I in welcoming our newest family member.

At the end of those long, emotionally intense hours I held my daughter in my arms. The mixture of emotions all receded and I was left feeling only love and awe.

My beautiful baby had finally arrived and our family was complete.

Seahawks 12k Run Done

~ Kim Severn ~ 1 Comment

My goal is complete. I didn’t race as well as I wanted, so I’ll chalk this one up to a character builder. But I pushed through and finished.

Even though my training started out strong, I couldn’t seem to make time for it over the last few weeks. And then my kindergartener shared her cold with me.

I was still hacking today as I hit the race course but I cranked up my music and tried to settle in for some me time.

The hill repeats and speed work I did manage during my training definitely helped as the hills didn’t feel as hard as I expected. I had a good race until mile five when it fell apart. I’ll spare you the embarrassing details. But I want to thank the wonderful couple who live along the race course who helped me out.

I was once again reminded of my love/hate relationship with running. I think I’ll stick with 5ks for a while and try to do at least one five mile run a week so when it’s time to prep for next year’s race I’ll be in better shape.

There’s always next year.

P.S. A 12k is supposed to be 7.4 miles, and mine wasn’t the only run tracker to measure the course at 7.75. So I survived 12k + a bonus third of a mile. 🙂